I wrote this a while back. I would love it if someone would tell me what they think about it. Please and thank you.
Everywhere she goes, the question haunts her. Does he really care? Most people would
say yes, of course he cares; unconditional love is obviously unconditional, so
there is no need to question it. These people don’t live in the same situation,
though. When these people go home, their home is complete; they have a family that
is united as one. They have a mother and father who don’t have heated arguments
with each other in front of their children. Their parents love each other and
selflessly put their kids before themselves. This girl’s family is different;
her family has been destroyed by divorce.
Divorce
is mentally abusing. When the girl was younger, near the age of four, she
remembers the aftermath of her parent’s nasty divorcement that took place when
she had only just began to toddle around on her wobbly feet. She remembers
sitting with wide eyes as her parents – the two people she adored and loved
most in the world – with red faces as they screamed obscenities at each other,
completely oblivious to the existence of their horrified daughter. She thought
all parents did this, that this was normal.
Normal parents just had it out with each other now and again and allowed their
children to witness it. The girl then adopted that anger was a common emotion
to express and it was okay to express it anywhere and everywhere, wherever it
felt necessary. However, she also learned to fear those who were angry. She
would hide, her heart beating hard against her chest, under her bed, where no
one could possibly reach or find her. Divorce changed her way of thinking. A
normal child at this time would act like their innocent self, smile, and play
outside nonstop. Of course, the girl did this too, but more so outside, away
from the turmoil in her home. She learned to deal with the extreme cold and
heat of the changing seasons just to escape having to witness another argument.
The yelling, the angry tone shaped her into someone who became a wailing baby
when such negative moods were near her presence. How was she to overcome these
fears and odd behaviors? There is no way for her to, since divorce has forever
implemented a problem in her brain.
Divorce
is something that stirs up negative emotions. Since the girl’s younger years,
she has experienced an overwhelming amount of anger, tears, and
depression. She recalls all the times
her older siblings tell her of, about how their father failed to watch them
when their mother actually depended on him. He would drink an excess amount
alcohol until he passed out and left his eldest children to take care of her
younger brother and sister. The girl, the youngest, was too young at the time
to remember such scenes, but she always felt like something had been broken
between her and her father; she felt a twinge of disappointment at the thought
of him. She recalls more recent times her father had disappointed her. She
remembers a time when she was in second grade and she had made her father a
gift for Father’s Day. She was proud of her handiwork; she had made him a board
game the two could play together and bond. She was excited for him to open his gift
and couldn’t wait to spend time with her daddy. He came to visit a few days
before the holiday and she gave it to him then. After he had left, she
realized, with disappointment, that he had forgotten the gift she had made him.
For the few days that followed, the girl continued in her schoolwork. Then, on
Father’s Day, her mother took the children to go see their father, since their
father had lost his license for life as a result of two DUIs. The girl grabbed
the present she had made, eager to give it to her dad. The last place to girl
expected to go to was this concrete, single-story building. They went up to the
circulation desk and her mother stated the father’s name, with a bit of disgust
in her tone. A man in uniform escorted them to a room with a glass wall
splitting it in half. Along the window was a counter and telephones on each
side of the glass. The family waited. Soon, the girl saw her father, in
handcuffs, being lead the empty chair in front of them. There was no way for
her to give her present to her beloved daddy. All she could do was talk to him
through the red telephone. They said goodbye and left. The girl sulked, drowned
in depression, disappointment, occasional anger, and an overflow of tears.
Divorce
is an event that taught the girl to hate. She hated the life she lived as a
single-parent family. She went a year of seeing her mom for less than two
minutes a day while the strong woman sought a higher education. She hated the
tearing carpet, the unfinished basement and the dated appliances that they
couldn’t afford to do anything about. She despised the children, who were
living “the good life,” who didn’t worry if their parents or parent would still
be able to afford to keep their children and not send them to foster care. She
hated that they didn’t have to worry about money or if their parent would still
have a job at the end of the week. She hated when her mom found someone new.
She thought her mom had replaced her father, who the girl still loved
unconditionally. This new man, a poor excuse of a father, the girl thought,
possessed the same problems her father had dealt with; this new man was a
horrible drunk. She hated how much pain he caused her mother. There were
several accounts where her mom would lock herself in her room and cry for
hours. She would burn any gifts the man had given her out of anger. She would
let the girl watch, absorb the normality of such negative actions and emotions,
further strengthening the girl’s belief that it was normal to be like this. She hated how the man proposed to her as a
make-up for previously breaking up with her mom because he had been drunk, as
usual, and wasn’t thinking straight. She hated that her mom said yes without
reluctance. Long after the marriage, the mother let the girl in on a little secret.
The girl, now a teenager, was told that her father, the one who she loved
dearly, had chosen alcohol over his own children. She hated that her mother had
said this. Now the girl faces a new dilemma: Do I hate my father? She pondered over this for days, weeks,
months. Many nights were spent crying and full of anger as the truth became
clear; her father had indeed done this to her. He had abandoned her for his own
selfish “needs” and destroyed their family. He had condemned her to a life of
anger and depression. She hates him for everything.
This
divorce has ruined her life, although her life has yet to begin. She feels like she is so close to the end of
this long road, but yet there is a turn up ahead that is said to go on for
miles. How will she continue on this road when this turmoil she has lived in is
sure to follow her down any path she takes?
The girl crumples into a heap. Surely this is the end, but maybe someone
can change it for her. Maybe finding someone who won’t get tangled up in the
alcohol and his own selfish needs could steer her clear of this dangerous path
and lead her to a life full of smiles, laughter, and happiness. And with this
final thought, she picks herself back up, puts on a genuine smile, and creates
a new path, one that will lead her to everything beautiful she had ever dreamed
of.
