Almost Died #YOLO

It was a normal night for my brother and I. We were bored. My brother had just called in sick, not feeling very well, and we needed something to pass the time.Then we thought, what cures boredom? Movies. There is a Redbox near our house but it's always filled with the worst movies imaginable (probably to spite the local youth). If we want a good selection, we have to go to a town about 20 minutes away to either use a different Redbox or go to the video store. We set off on  our journey, my brother clutching his stomach (it was getting worse). On our way, I gradually became sicker and sicker. Considering we both had fish tacos for dinner, it was probably food poisoning. By the time we got into town, both of us weren't really up for getting out of the car. We drove around for a while, making this endless loop around town. By the time he started feeling better, I was about to die. We switched drivers so I could lay down and attempt not to vomit all over the car. When we got back on the road, there was an insane amount of traffic. Apparently we overlooked the fact that there was a football game at the college (Although I have no idea how we managed that, considering EVERYONE was wearing team colors). The game had presumably just ended, creating a massive traffic jam on the main road. We ended up taking side streets out toward the highway, stopping on the way to get ice cream (Ice cream makes everything better. Even food poisoning). About half way home we saw two big headlights and a grill heading in our direction (on the wrong side of the road, mind you). The truck was in the left lane, we were luckily in the right, and there were about five cars behind us. We turned the car around, just to see if there was an accident, but the guy was going so fast that he was completely out of sight when we got back on the road. There weren't any accidents around us, but there very well could have been in a few seconds. I almost called 911, but my brother told me I shouldn't because there hadn't been an accident and someone else was bound to call. I kind of regret not calling, just in case something might have happened. I once read about this woman who was raped and murdered in broad daylight, right in front of a hotel, with a bunch of witnesses. No one called the police, assuming someone else would. She died and the man got away. I know it isn't really the same thing, but I don't want that kind of weight on my shoulders, you know? Anyway, we went home, sat down, then realized we forgot to get a movie. Luckily, we didn't really feel much like watching one. Or driving. Or leaving the house. Ever. I went to sleep thinking just how close we got to being killed. If we would have been in the other lane, we would have been dead. No doubt. We were going 70 mph, and the HUGE TRUCK HURDLING TOWARD US was going well over the speed limit in the other direction. I think I have more motivation to succeed while alive, though. So that's a plus. 

Master Commander!

So I was just browsing iwastesomuchtime.com and I see this video. The title on this site is 'I'M NOT SURE WHAT I JUST WATCHED...' Very fitting. At first you think that maybe it's just some stupid video with poop jokes (puke), but it's actually quite hilarious. Plus the Canadian accent, fake or not, helps quite a bit. I advise you not to stop watching after the first stupid joke. You must watch the whole thing to get the full effect.

After watching this video, I went to his YouTube page. He has a ton of videos of him telling his 'stories.' His mannerisms are pretty funny, making the essentially pointless, stupid jokes, hilarious. The topics are all very random, but somehow interesting, in a 5 year old boy kind of way. This is definitely something to pass the time with. No matter how stupid they are, I can't seem to look away...

ANYWAY.

 If you liked this, check out more of OlanRogers' videos!

Thoughts on Thinking

Have you ever been walking and walking at this impossibly steady pace that isn't slow but isn't quite fast either and you get so lost in your thoughts that you can't seem to stop your muscles from moving, not because of energy, but because you simply can't feel your legs at all, and you don't know why but somehow you feel as if you can go on forever, never stopping to eat or to sleep or to talk, but you're just breathing slowly, steadily, walking and thinking up all of the thoughts you never thought you'd have? 

I live for that feeling.

WAYS TO AVOID SHARING DETAILS OF YOUR CRAPPY JOB

Funny Pictures


So, you have a job, eh? Finally doing something productive with your time, and-mainly- paying the bills. if your job is sucky or humilating, or you just don't want to admit that you work a dead-end job, here's ways to avoid revealing the horrific answer to the "where do you work?" question. 

1. Perfect an Italian accent. When asked about work, look the person in the eye and threateningly tell them "(Name), don't ask me about my work."
2. Narrow eyes and obtain a suspicious face. Ask "Who wants to know?"
3. Reveal to the person every possible job that isn't yours: "I am a farmer. Well,,, that's not exactly it... I'm more like a doctor. Well, not really. I'm kind of like a spy, but closer to a teacher. And probably not quite a doctor, but more like a nurse..." etc. 
4. If you're a teenager inform the questioner that you're a highly skilled heart surgeon, neuroscientist, lawyer, etc.
5. Stand on one leg and tell them you work at IHOP.
6. "I run the streets."
7. "the corner of [street 1] and [street 2]."
8. Especially if you're a man, squeeze your breasts together and say "Hooters, duh."
9. Insist on not being able to reveal to the person any details of your work.
10. If you're meek looking, tell them you body guard for a famous celebrity.
11. "I'm a backup dancer for Selena Gomez."
12. "I put the animals at the shelter to sleep."
13. Admit you don't want to tell them.
14. Pretend you have the best job ever. Ever.
16. "I'm a cast member of Jersey Shore."
17. "I'm an auror."
18. "I recently took over the ministrey of magic."
19. "Hogwarts."
20. Tell them you write the Pickles comics.
21. "I shave bald people."
22. "I'm on Pawn Stars. I'm actually late for this week's recording. Gotta run!" and make your exit
23. If in the midwest, "I give surfing lessons at the beach." (Also works for skiing lessons anywhere there's no mountians.
24"Actually, all I really do is check the purses and wallets for extra change at the Salvation Army."
25. "I'm an undercover boss. You're fired."
26. "You seriously don't know who I am?" Proceed to scoff and walk away. 
27. Turn the question back on them, when they answer give them a pitying look and refuse to answer out of empathy.
28. Bring up child labor laws, especially if you are obviously an adult.

Cable no more!

I'm done with cable TV. I have wasted entirely too many years watching it. I am resolution-ing to quit watching it, an easy goal because I won't have much time to anyway.
SIDENOTE: I'm not going to have spare time to do much of ANYthing pleasurable this school term. Yep. Until late May, my life is going to revolve around studying, eating, sleeping, working weekends and doing it all again next week.  Anyway. I've decided that in down time, there are much more important things to be doing than watching television. Who knows, maybe I can shorten my goodreads' account's to-read list, or write a book, or build a very nice house on The Sims 3. I think I'll move the tv out of my room and use the space for something else. I don't know what, but I'm sure to find something. I shall turn my life around without television! I shall become a better person! This lack of cable thing is something my brother is soon to face as well, although he will be doing it involuntarily. He has recently moved out and gone on to college. His roommates do not want to have to pay an extra cable bill, because they aren't planning on doing much T.V. viewing anyway.
Things to do besides watching T.V.

1. Read
2. Blog
3. Browse the internet (honestly not much better, but hey)
4. Study
5. Listen to Music
6. Practice ventriloquism
7. Fold the laundry
8. Cook 
9. Play Frisbee
10. Play tennis
11. Build a snowman
12. Build a fort
13. Sleep
14. Hula Hoop
15. Walk the dog
16. Redecorate
17. Perfect a bulls-eye in darts
18. Host a ping-pong tournament 
19. Host a Mario Kart tournament
20. Host a badminton tournament
21. Learn to cook
22. Knit
23. Bake
24. Babysit
25. Learn to draw

Knock Knock

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Interrupting Doctor.

Interrup- YOU HAVE CANCER.