WAYS TO AVOID SHARING DETAILS OF YOUR CRAPPY JOB

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So, you have a job, eh? Finally doing something productive with your time, and-mainly- paying the bills. if your job is sucky or humilating, or you just don't want to admit that you work a dead-end job, here's ways to avoid revealing the horrific answer to the "where do you work?" question. 

1. Perfect an Italian accent. When asked about work, look the person in the eye and threateningly tell them "(Name), don't ask me about my work."
2. Narrow eyes and obtain a suspicious face. Ask "Who wants to know?"
3. Reveal to the person every possible job that isn't yours: "I am a farmer. Well,,, that's not exactly it... I'm more like a doctor. Well, not really. I'm kind of like a spy, but closer to a teacher. And probably not quite a doctor, but more like a nurse..." etc. 
4. If you're a teenager inform the questioner that you're a highly skilled heart surgeon, neuroscientist, lawyer, etc.
5. Stand on one leg and tell them you work at IHOP.
6. "I run the streets."
7. "the corner of [street 1] and [street 2]."
8. Especially if you're a man, squeeze your breasts together and say "Hooters, duh."
9. Insist on not being able to reveal to the person any details of your work.
10. If you're meek looking, tell them you body guard for a famous celebrity.
11. "I'm a backup dancer for Selena Gomez."
12. "I put the animals at the shelter to sleep."
13. Admit you don't want to tell them.
14. Pretend you have the best job ever. Ever.
16. "I'm a cast member of Jersey Shore."
17. "I'm an auror."
18. "I recently took over the ministrey of magic."
19. "Hogwarts."
20. Tell them you write the Pickles comics.
21. "I shave bald people."
22. "I'm on Pawn Stars. I'm actually late for this week's recording. Gotta run!" and make your exit
23. If in the midwest, "I give surfing lessons at the beach." (Also works for skiing lessons anywhere there's no mountians.
24"Actually, all I really do is check the purses and wallets for extra change at the Salvation Army."
25. "I'm an undercover boss. You're fired."
26. "You seriously don't know who I am?" Proceed to scoff and walk away. 
27. Turn the question back on them, when they answer give them a pitying look and refuse to answer out of empathy.
28. Bring up child labor laws, especially if you are obviously an adult.