What It Does

I wrote this a while back. I would love it if someone would tell me what they think about it. Please and thank you.

Everywhere she goes, the question haunts her. Does he really care? Most people would say yes, of course he cares; unconditional love is obviously unconditional, so there is no need to question it. These people don’t live in the same situation, though. When these people go home, their home is complete; they have a family that is united as one. They have a mother and father who don’t have heated arguments with each other in front of their children. Their parents love each other and selflessly put their kids before themselves. This girl’s family is different; her family has been destroyed by divorce.

Divorce is mentally abusing. When the girl was younger, near the age of four, she remembers the aftermath of her parent’s nasty divorcement that took place when she had only just began to toddle around on her wobbly feet. She remembers sitting with wide eyes as her parents – the two people she adored and loved most in the world – with red faces as they screamed obscenities at each other, completely oblivious to the existence of their horrified daughter. She thought all parents did this, that this was normal. Normal parents just had it out with each other now and again and allowed their children to witness it. The girl then adopted that anger was a common emotion to express and it was okay to express it anywhere and everywhere, wherever it felt necessary. However, she also learned to fear those who were angry. She would hide, her heart beating hard against her chest, under her bed, where no one could possibly reach or find her. Divorce changed her way of thinking. A normal child at this time would act like their innocent self, smile, and play outside nonstop. Of course, the girl did this too, but more so outside, away from the turmoil in her home. She learned to deal with the extreme cold and heat of the changing seasons just to escape having to witness another argument. The yelling, the angry tone shaped her into someone who became a wailing baby when such negative moods were near her presence. How was she to overcome these fears and odd behaviors? There is no way for her to, since divorce has forever implemented a problem in her brain.

Divorce is something that stirs up negative emotions. Since the girl’s younger years, she has experienced an overwhelming amount of anger, tears, and depression.  She recalls all the times her older siblings tell her of, about how their father failed to watch them when their mother actually depended on him. He would drink an excess amount alcohol until he passed out and left his eldest children to take care of her younger brother and sister. The girl, the youngest, was too young at the time to remember such scenes, but she always felt like something had been broken between her and her father; she felt a twinge of disappointment at the thought of him. She recalls more recent times her father had disappointed her. She remembers a time when she was in second grade and she had made her father a gift for Father’s Day. She was proud of her handiwork; she had made him a board game the two could play together and bond. She was excited for him to open his gift and couldn’t wait to spend time with her daddy. He came to visit a few days before the holiday and she gave it to him then. After he had left, she realized, with disappointment, that he had forgotten the gift she had made him. For the few days that followed, the girl continued in her schoolwork. Then, on Father’s Day, her mother took the children to go see their father, since their father had lost his license for life as a result of two DUIs. The girl grabbed the present she had made, eager to give it to her dad. The last place to girl expected to go to was this concrete, single-story building. They went up to the circulation desk and her mother stated the father’s name, with a bit of disgust in her tone. A man in uniform escorted them to a room with a glass wall splitting it in half. Along the window was a counter and telephones on each side of the glass. The family waited. Soon, the girl saw her father, in handcuffs, being lead the empty chair in front of them. There was no way for her to give her present to her beloved daddy. All she could do was talk to him through the red telephone. They said goodbye and left. The girl sulked, drowned in depression, disappointment, occasional anger, and an overflow of tears.

Divorce is an event that taught the girl to hate. She hated the life she lived as a single-parent family. She went a year of seeing her mom for less than two minutes a day while the strong woman sought a higher education. She hated the tearing carpet, the unfinished basement and the dated appliances that they couldn’t afford to do anything about. She despised the children, who were living “the good life,” who didn’t worry if their parents or parent would still be able to afford to keep their children and not send them to foster care. She hated that they didn’t have to worry about money or if their parent would still have a job at the end of the week. She hated when her mom found someone new. She thought her mom had replaced her father, who the girl still loved unconditionally. This new man, a poor excuse of a father, the girl thought, possessed the same problems her father had dealt with; this new man was a horrible drunk. She hated how much pain he caused her mother. There were several accounts where her mom would lock herself in her room and cry for hours. She would burn any gifts the man had given her out of anger. She would let the girl watch, absorb the normality of such negative actions and emotions, further strengthening the girl’s belief that it was normal to be like this. She hated how the man proposed to her as a make-up for previously breaking up with her mom because he had been drunk, as usual, and wasn’t thinking straight. She hated that her mom said yes without reluctance. Long after the marriage, the mother let the girl in on a little secret. The girl, now a teenager, was told that her father, the one who she loved dearly, had chosen alcohol over his own children. She hated that her mother had said this. Now the girl faces a new dilemma: Do I hate my father? She pondered over this for days, weeks, months. Many nights were spent crying and full of anger as the truth became clear; her father had indeed done this to her. He had abandoned her for his own selfish “needs” and destroyed their family. He had condemned her to a life of anger and depression. She hates him for everything.

This divorce has ruined her life, although her life has yet to begin.  She feels like she is so close to the end of this long road, but yet there is a turn up ahead that is said to go on for miles. How will she continue on this road when this turmoil she has lived in is sure to follow her down any path she takes?  The girl crumples into a heap. Surely this is the end, but maybe someone can change it for her. Maybe finding someone who won’t get tangled up in the alcohol and his own selfish needs could steer her clear of this dangerous path and lead her to a life full of smiles, laughter, and happiness. And with this final thought, she picks herself back up, puts on a genuine smile, and creates a new path, one that will lead her to everything beautiful she had ever dreamed of.